Don't make out with my wife yet
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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