3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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