Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
