don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
