Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
