There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
