those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
