im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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