If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love having hate sex.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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