Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
