Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Blood and glitter go together right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize