Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
