I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
