i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
