why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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