Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
