She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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