I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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