I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
