Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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