I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
