I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
