just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
