I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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