Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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