HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
two words...techno handjob
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
