Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
