Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
