Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
