Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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