oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
