Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
