Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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