you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
