Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
