hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
