That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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