The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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