so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
