You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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