I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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