I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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