its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
