your thong is hanging out like whoa
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize