Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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