I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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