fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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