she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
