Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
