I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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