She is in my trunk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
