either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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