ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
