we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
