Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
