Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
