3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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