you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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