I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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