I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
