I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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