Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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