i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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