I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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