Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
