The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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