He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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