Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize