I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
